What God Hath Joined Together

    The Bible commands in Ephesians 5:25, "Husbands, love your wives." Does this command apply when the wife does not love the husband? Does it apply when the wife indicates she hates her husband, when she is on drugs, or is a drunkard, or is living in fornication? Would God expect the husband to love this kind of wife?

    God’s command to the husband to love his wife is unconditional. He must have no reservations insofar as his love for his wife is concerned. No matter what she might be or become, he is to love her.

    How do we know this? We know because the Bible offers no advice concerning conditions for a cessation of this love. Even in the verses that seem to suggest but actually do not allow the possibility of divorce, there is no suggestion of a cessation of love. In fact, God teaches that forgiveness is to be normative in a Christian’s life. Matthew 18:21-22:

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

    Since there is to be no end of forgiveness toward the one who has sinned against us, surely the principle of forgiveness will apply to the husband-wife relationship. Therefore, no matter what the wife does or says that displeases her husband, he is to forgive her. The principle, "Husbands, love your wives," still stands.

AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH

    There is a second dynamic reason why a husband’s love for his wife is to be without reservation. Ephesians 5:25 informs us: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." God gives us an example of the kind of love the husband is to have for his wife: as Christ loved the eternal church. How did Christ love the church? The church that God has in view is the body of true believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, the eternal church

    What is the character of Christ’s love towards those whom He plans to save? He loves them when they are still entirely rebellious against Him. He loves them without any conditions or reservations of any kind. He draws them to Himself when they are in rebellion against Him. He inclines their hearts to love Him. He pays for their sins. He forgives every sin they will ever commit.

    To accomplish their salvation Christ denied Himself entirely. He was stripped of the glory He had eternally with the Father. He humbled Himself to the lowest possible degree, becoming one with the sinful human race which

arrogantly had rebelled against Almighty God. Jesus Himself was without sin but He became laden with our sins. He bore the punishment demanded by God for those sins. That punishment was the worst that will ever be endured by anyone, for it was the equivalent of eternal damnation on behalf of everyone who would come to be His bride.

    God has given us an awesome example of the way husbands are to love their wives and the kind of sacrifices they are to make as they seek the very best for their wives.

    What about after we are saved? Does Christ’s relationship to His bride change? Again we stand amazed at the compassion, the patience, the forgiveness of Christ. No matter how often the true believer sins, Christ always forgives him. Christ promises that He will never leave him nor forsake him. God’s love is tender and everlasting. Nothing His bride can say or do can separate her from Christ’s love.

    Regardless of what the wife does or becomes, the husband is to love her, cherish her, and patiently forgive. Christ, in His love for the eternal church, wanted the very best for the church, so husbands are to always want the very best for their wives.

    In his love for his wife, a husband will find that many times he has to deny himself. For the good of his family, he may have to give up his cherished hobby. He may find that he cannot spend the time he would like to spend with his special friends.

    It may mean that he will have to reconsider his own personal thinking concerning the vocation he would like to follow or the place where he would like to live. Always he must have a loving concern for the feelings and needs of his wife and children.

    As head of the house, he is not to consider himself "the big boss." While he never loses sight of his responsibility as the head of the family, he always tries to think of what is best for what is best for his wife and family. He lovingly guides his family. He has the final authority under God, but he exercises that authority with great love, tenderness, and empathy for his family.

    Under no circumstances is he to be resentful toward his wife. Whatever she is or does, he is to patiently continue to love her. He is never to think about others he could have married or wish his wife could be like someone else. He is never to countenance the idea that he wishes he were married to someone else. The full focus of his attention and concern should be toward his wife and family. No matter how difficult the situation may be, he is never to think of divorce.

    He is to accept with no reservations the fact that his wife is an integral part of his life as long as she lives. Because God has fused her to him so that they are one flesh, he knows that he cannot take any action that disregards his wife. his wife should be at least as important to him as anything else in his life. Only his love for his Savior should be greater than his love for his wife. in his love for his Savior, he knows he is to love and care for his wife the same way and to the same degree that he loves and cares for himself. The greatest blessing a man could desire for his wife is eternal life. Therefore, a husband is not only to

provide for the physical needs of his wife, he is, above all, to provide for her spiritual needs. He has the responsibility of providing a godly home, and he has the responsibility of leading his family in the fear and nurture of the Lord.

    The God-fearing husband has realized the highest possible good for himself, which is salvation. Furthermore, he will do whatever is necessary to care for and satisfy the needs of his own body. This comes naturally to him. In these verses he is exhorted to love his wife as he loves his own body. If his body becomes ill, wounded, or troubled, he still loves it; he is to love his wife the same way. No matter what moral, mental, or physical difficulties his wife may experience, he is to love her.

    Because he is saved, he knows that finally his body will be changed into a glorious spiritual body, and he is to desire the highest blessing, a glorified spiritual body, for his wife. He is to honor and respect his wife. I Thessalonians 4:4: "That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour."

    The vessel God has in view in this verse is the wife. The husband is to regard his wife as a holy vessel. She is not a convenient place to discharge his sexual lusts. In the marriage bed, as well as in all of his relationships with her, he is to treat her with honor and respect. To use a secular phrase, he is always to be a gentleman. In all things lawful he is to have a first concern for his wife.

    No husband can of himself love his wife in the measure asked for by God. By God’s grace and in His strength, as the husband trusts more in Christ, these ideals become possible. Instead of ideals, they become living facts in the life of the husband.

    As we ponder these truths, we begin to sense the awesome responsibility of the husband to love his wife – to love her without condition or reservation – to love her as long as she lives. With this mandate set before the husband, how could he ever think of divorce? The word "divorce" should not even be in his vocabulary. No wonder the old marriage forms declared:

I, John, take thee, Jane, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.