What God Hath Joined Together

    The potential awfulness of a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever is so great that a word of caution must be directed to those who are thinking about marriage. How careful must a person be who is unmarried and who is becoming romantically inclined toward someone? The answer is that he must be exceedingly careful.

    It is of absolute importance that each knows as much about the other as possible before marriage. Dating and engagement as we know them in our land are designed to provide time to acquire this knowledge.

TAKE CARE WHOM YOU DATE

    Obviously, if a person discovers that the other person is divorced and their spouse is still living, then it is fooling to date that person. Even if the divorced person has become a beautiful child of God, marriage should not take place. Even if the divorce took place before the person became saved, there cannot be remarriage. It would be exceedingly reckless to date such a person. It would place huge temptation before both persons.

    Before two people become romantically interested in each other, it is imperative that they pay careful attention to the spiritual condition of the potential partner. How awful it would be if one person seemed to be saved but after the honeymoon, the saved spouse discovered that their mate was unsaved.

    If on the first few dates the saved person finds no substantial evidence that the other person is a child of God, then dating should cease. Romantic love has a way of blinding people more than they are willing to admit. Because an unsaved person can seem to be interested in Christian things and can have many attractive qualities, it is easy to focus only on attractive qualities.

    Many a wife, who has discovered after the wedding that she was married to an unsaved man, had not been careful enough when she dated. She might have realized at first that all was not spiritually well with the handsome man she was dating, but as she became increasingly attracted to him, she began to rationalize about what he could become. Surely, she reasons, her influence is so great in his life that if he is not saved, she will witness to him and pray for him, and he will eventually become saved. Meanwhile, she becomes more and more blinded by romantic love.

    She has already violated two important rules. First, dating, engagement, and marriage are not missionary endeavors. If she wants to minister to the unsaved, there are thousands of people around her who need her witness. The arena of romance is no the place for missionary work; it is designed to provide, by God’s grace, a godly marriage. This must remain the single focus of the dating agreement.

    There are instances wherein a child of God has had the glad experience of seeing a steady date become saved. These unusual exceptions provide no sound basis for a believer to date an unbeliever because so many emotions are involved for romantic love. Unless there is clear, immediate, and continuing evidence that the one being dated is a child of God, the only wise action is to cease dating right away.

    Suppose at the start of dating there is good evidence that he is not a child of God, but the dates continue because many attractive qualities can be seen in him. The Christian knows the importance of salvation and encourages the unsaved person to read the Bible and pray. Because the unsaved person is falling in love with the saved person, he increasingly tries to please her. She, as the saved person, will become increasingly convinced that God’s Spirit is working in the heart of her steady date. After all, why does he appear to be so interested in the Bible?

    At times he says or does things that are quite alien to a saved person, but because she is falling in love with him, she overlooks her fears and tries to see God’s grace in his life. When parents and friends express concern, she will not listen. By the time she has fallen in love, she has convinced herself that God’s grace is present in his life. She is sure that after they are married, he will grow in the things of the Lord.

    So they marry each other. Now he has her as his wife. By the time the honeymoon is over, he knows he does not have to try as hard to please her. Attending a worship service and studying the Bible bore him, and he soon ceases doing these things. The bride discovers to her utter consternation that she is married to an unsaved husband. She realizes, too, that she is married to him until death parts them.

    Because her husband does not care about God’s rules against divorce, there is a strong likelihood that when he gets tired of living with a wife who puts a high premium on fellowship and reading the Bible, he will seek a divorce. This may come after the family has grown to include several children.

    So the believing wife becomes divorced. According to the Bible, she may never marry again as long as her husband lives. In his rebellion against God, he marries someone else, and she is left with the heavy responsibility of rearing the children.

    Unfortunately, this sad scenario is being repeated again and again in our day. If only those who are free to marry would realize the enormous consequences of marriage! One can never be too careful in deciding whom to date.

    Some may argue that dating is quite innocent and does not necessarily have to point to marriage. But all dating, however innocuous, superficial, and innocent it may appear to be, is a preliminary step toward marriage. Ordinarily, every marriage begins with a first date. Dating is a ritual that prepares the couple for a successful marriage.

    Therefore, during courtship the chief focus should be on spiritual concerns, such as: What is salvation? What does it mean to be born again? What is the true Gospel?

what about baptism? What about the education of those children? What kind of school would we try to send them to? What is the wife’s chief role in marriage? Is she to be first an assistant breadwinner and then a keeper of the home? Or is she first to be a keeper of the home and assist as a breadwinner only if it does not interfere with her duties at home? What about family devotions? What about the responsibility of giving to God’s work? What about the use of birth control measures? etc., etc.

    By facing these questions before marriage, at least two goals will be realized. First, it will provide a forum for the examination of the spiritual sensitivities of each person. Two people may be convinced the other person is a child of God, but if agreement cannot be reached on these issues, there are serious doubts as to the advisability of marriage. To enter into the intimate, binding relationship of marriage with disagreements on these issues is exceedingly dangerous. The disagreements are sure to intensify during marriage.

    On the other hand, by honestly and openly facing these issues before marriage, a solid foundation can be laid for a happy, God-glorifying marriage. If there is honest agreement on these matters, both will enter into marriage secure in the knowledge that harmony will prevail.